You are Engaged!
Telling Family and Friends

Now the two of you begin to share your joy as you tell your family and friends that you are getting married. Sometimes it is a surprise to folks, but often your announcement doesn’t surprise anyone. They will claim to know all along that they "knew" you were meant for each other! Usually, prior to engagement, you have spent some time meeting and getting to know each other’s families, so you will have some prediction of their reaction. But, if family lives some distance away, mentioning your special relationship by phone or email or (gasp!) letter, before you become engaged will enhance a sense of inclusion with family members.

Always let thoughtfulness be your guide when telling people of your engagement. Who do you tell first? Always tell the children first, if either of you have children from a prior relationship. The parent should tell his child alone, without his intended present, out of respect for the feelings of the child. Then tell an ex-spouse, again for the sake of the child. Parents need to hear of your joyful plans before sharing the news with other relatives and friends.

It really is okay to call people on the phone, but it is often fun to share your news in person. Most parents want to know as soon as possible! Don’t risk anyone feeling "left out." So, make the phone call if you can’t make the visit! Remember that grandparents, brothers and sisters, and emotionally close relatives and friends should be first on your list.

And parents of the bride will want to meet the groom’s parents, and it really doesn’t matter who calls who first to plan an initial celebration of the joining of families; just encourage friendship and be spontaneous! Call!

Now when you tell family and friends that you are engaged, expect all kinds of questions, like, "When?" "Are you planning any children?" "Where will you live?" You know all the big questions to which you may not have all the answers. So, say, "We don’t have all our plans made!" "We are new at this!" It is really not a good idea to plan publicly all the stuff that is personal just to the two of you, so smile and say that the two of you are deciding later!